airshipjones

So, my boss Gordon, who is from Georgia, has a tendency to use some funny Southern euphemisms. One of the guys at works has compiled a list of them over the last year. I recommend not drinking any milk while reading this, so that it doesn't spray out your nose.

Gordonisms

"That'll go over like a turd in a punch bowl."

"….quicker than a cat can lick it's ass."

"I oughta be as raw as an ape's ass by then."

"That's like the kettle calling the pot black."

"Scratchin' our ass and comin' up with anthrax."

"Plain as the nuts on a dog."

"Taking off like a stripe-assed ape."

"The schedule's as tight as a bull's ass in blow fly season."

"Damn the mule, load the wagon."

"I'll bet you 37 cents to a mouthful of piss and let you hold the stakes."

"Choose up sides and smell armpits."

"A hard-on a cat can't scratch."

“Rough as a cob.”

“Grinnin’ like a possum shittin’ razorblades.”

“Needs you like a dead man needs a coffin.”

“Works slick as a gut.”

“You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.”

“We’re shakin’ the tree and shit’s comin’ out of the woodwork.”

“It’s a pimple on the derriere of progress.”

“He’s up to his eyeballs in alligators.”

“A camel is a horse designed by committee.”

“The dog would have caught a rabbit if he hadn’t stopped to shit.”

“You’d rather sandpaper a wildcat’s ass than talk to me right now.”

“Don’t let your mouth overload your derriere.”

“There are no points scored for wearing a hair shirt.”

“Tighter than a gnat’s wing stretched over an elephant’s ass.”

“Faster than epsom salts through a widow woman.”

“Pick you as clean as a chicken’s back tooth.”

“Watch you like a one-eyed dog in a meat market.”